By: Allison Stevens, Take Heart Cancer Community
Scanxiety – ever heard of it? If you do a quick search you will find that “scanxiety” is described as an “apprehension and nervousness over an impending or anticipated scan/test to determine cancer growth or remission.” It’s a feeling those impacted by cancer know all too well. It almost feels like a hurricane; your thoughts and emotions whirl around inside your head all at once, growing in strength until your stomach is in knots and your mind has no peace. Scanxiety is a crippling form of fear.
On the eve of my daughter's six month scans there were many feelings and emotions that bubbled to the surface. Fear and worry are always side by side when I start to think through the ‘what ifs’ such as… ‘What will they find?’ ‘Will things be quiet?’ ‘Will they find something new?’ These thoughts distract me and steal my sleep (particularly the night before or even weeks before) as if to prepare me for the unknown that is to come. They rob me of joy and leave me feeling distant, unfocused, and out of whack. Does that sound familiar?
If so, you are not alone in feeling this way. It is incredibly hard to not focus on the next result to come in as we wait. How do we sit in the unknown that cancer (and suffering in general) brings? Can we find peace through worry and fear? Fortunately, the Bible gives us a beautiful picture of how we can.
Matthew 14:22-34 provides a tangible example of what to do when we face the “storms” of life and the fear and uncertainty they produce. In this scene, Jesus' disciples are out on a boat during a storm. The waves began to crash heavily against the sides of the boat and the wind tossed the sail around erratically. The disciples were in the middle of the sea with nowhere to go and far from the shoreline. But then Jesus appears before them and standing out in the middle of the raging sea He says,
“Take heart; It is I. Do not be afraid.”
Bewildered and in disbelief, Peter (one of His disciples) called out, “Lord if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” Jesus told him to come and Peter proceeded to walk out to Jesus on the torrential waters beneath his feet. Then for a brief moment, Peter looked away from Jesus and started to focus on the storm around him. As he did, he became afraid and began to sink. Immediately, Jesus reached out His hand and pulled him up out of the water. With his eyes fixed on Peter, Jesus said, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”
Aren't we just like Peter? So often we become overwhelmed by what we see around us - our circumstances. When we avert our eyes and fixate on our circumstances (the “storm” around us), we understandably become overwhelmed and sink into fear.
Jesus though is giving us an alternative perspective. The storms may continue to rage around us, our circumstances may not change, but Jesus remains with us! Instead of being sucked into the hurricane of fear, Jesus offers us the ability to take a step toward Him. Even if the news is not what we want to hear, we can use these experiences as opportunities to draw close and rely on Jesus.
So what can we do practically? We can take our honest fears and ‘what if’s’ to Him directly. This could be a quick short prayer like “Jesus, help me”, “Jesus calm my heart and mind” to something more detailed and specific. Whatever it may be, we can call out to Him with anything since He already knows our true thoughts.
The truth is that we may not know what will be next in our cancer journey, but we can trust that Jesus will be with us and is sufficient for us no matter what is happening around us.
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